FEAR THESAURUS

RELATIONAL COMMITMENT



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HELPFUL TIP:

A deeply embedded fear often stems from trauma, so it can be helpful to explore emotional wounds that may be a factor. Your character might also become risk-averse, which can create problems in their relationships and limit their fulfillment. And for a character to achieve their story goal, they must overcome any fear-based thinking that's holding them back. The Character Builder is a great resource for pulling all these factors together.
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE:
A lackadaisical attitude and approach to dating and friendships
Dating many people at once to maintain superficial relationships
Breaking things off if a relationship gets too serious
Sabotaging serious relationships (treating the other person badly so they'll leave, picking fights, ghosting them, etc.)
Being disloyal—cheating on a romantic partner or abandoning an old friend for a new one
Abandoning a fiancé at the altar
Continually postponing a wedding date or refusing to set a date
Reluctance in making future plans
Being nonchalant about even short-term plans, such as not preparing for date night until a few hours prior
Not dating at all or investing in new friendships
A lack of excitement, passion, or interest in the relationship or the other person
Thoughts of commitment causing physical or emotional distress (shortness of breath, anxiety, hyperventilating, nausea, etc.)
Having many casual friends but few deep and long-lasting ones
Frequently canceling get-togethers with friends
Being a one-sided friend (only reaching out when the character needs something, only getting together when it's something the character really wants to do, etc.)
Being inflexible
Always having an "escape plan" so the character can leave an event early if they want to
Living on the outskirts of true community
Being more comfortable with strangers and acquaintances than with friends
Keeping a lot of pets to fill the void

COMMON INTERNAL STRUGGLES:
Wanting connection but being unable to move past a certain point to achieve it
Experience fight-flight-or-freeze responses when commitment becomes a possibility
Pushing the other person away, then feeling guilt, shame, or self-loathing
The character knowing something's wrong with them but not knowing what it is
Wanting to change (recognizing the fear and knowing the unresolved wound that's behind it) but not being willing to take the necessary steps

FLAWS THAT MAY EMERGE:
ABRASIVE, ADDICTIVE, ANTISOCIAL, DISHONEST, DISLOYAL, EVASIVE, INDECISIVE, INFLEXIBLE, INHIBITED, MANIPULATIVE, PESSIMISTIC, REBELLIOUS, SELF-DESTRUCTIVE, SELF-INDULGENT, SELFISH, STUBBORN, TEMPERAMENTAL, UNCOMMUNICATIVE, UNCOOPERATIVE, VOLATILE, WITHDRAWN

HINDRANCES AND DISRUPTIONS TO THE CHARACTER'S LIFE:
Spending a lot of nights alone
Being perceived as selfish and superficial by others
Being a third wheel at social events
Having no one to confide in
The character experiencing a crisis and having no one to care for them
Constantly having to explain the latest breakup to people
Unpleasant conversations with parents or siblings who see the truth and confront the character

EMOTIONAL WOUNDS IT COULD STEM FROM:
A LOVED ONE'S SUICIDE, A PARENT'S ABANDONMENT OR REJECTION, A PARENT'S DIVORCE, A SIBLING'S BETRAYAL, A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT, BEING DISOWNED OR SHUNNED, BEING REJECTED BY ONE'S PEERS, CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE BY A KNOWN PERSON, DIVORCING ONE'S SPOUSE, GROWING UP IN FOSTER CARE, INFIDELITY, MISPLACED LOYALTY, SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION, THE DEATH OF ONE'S CHILD, UNREQUITED LOVE

SCENARIOS THAT MIGHT AWAKEN THIS FEAR :
A romantic partner proposing marriage, suggesting they move in together, or asking to meet the character's parents
A romantic partner saying I love you
Someone important to the character dying and reinforcing the knowledge that everyone eventually leaves, so it's best not to get too close
Playing a bonding game with friends where personal information is shared
Being invited to vacation with friends
Being asked to play a significant role in a friend's wedding
The character being asked point-blank by a trusted loved one about their commitment issues

HUMAN NEEDS THAT COULD BE IMPACTED:
Esteem and Recognition: A character who fears true connection may resort to treating others badly to make themselves less appealing or push the other person to break things off. This behavior can give the character a bad reputation, making others think poorly of them. The character may also come to despise themselves for their actions.
Love and Belonging: True connection is a need that every human has. So while the character may fear deep relationships for whatever reason, deep down, they will still crave them and feel a void when those connections remain out of reach.

GOALS MADE DIFFICULT BY THIS FEAR:
BEING ACCEPTED BY OTHERS, BEING ACKNOWLEDGED OR APPRECIATED BY FAMILY, FINDING A LIFELONG PARTNER, FINDING FRIENDSHIP OR COMPANIONSHIP, HELPING A LOVED ONE RECOGNIZE THEY ARE HURTING THEMSELVES AND OTHERS, MAKING SOMEONE PROUD, RECONCILING WITH AN ESTRANGED FAMILY MEMBER

CONFLICT SCENARIOS THAT OFFER GROWTH OPPORTUNITIES:
AN ELDERLY PARENT REQUIRING CARE, AN ESTRANGED RELATIVE SHOWING UP, BEING FORCED TO LEAD, BEING FORCED TO MARRY, BEING REJECTED BY A POTENTIAL LOVE INTEREST, CONFLICTING INTERNAL NEEDS OR DESIRES, HAVING A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH A CO-WORKER, HAVING FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ONE SHOULDN'T, HAVING TO BLINDLY TRUST SOMEONE, HAVING TO RELY ON OTHERS, LOSING ACCESS TO SOMEONE IMPORTANT, NEEDING TO BORROW MONEY, SEEING AN EX WITH SOMEONE NEW